When Someone You Know Loses A Child
Losing a child is a difficult thing for any parent or family to face. As a friend or family member of someone who has lost a child, your support is critical to the healing process. Please take time to consider the following when helping someone who has lost their child.
Losing a child is a difficult thing for any parent or family to face. As a friend or family member of someone who has lost a child, your support is critical to the healing process. Please take time to consider the following when helping someone who has lost their child.
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Some things you may consider saying or doing:
* "I'm sorry for your loss. Please know that I am here for you and thinking of you." *Always mention the child by name. There is no better music to an angel parent's ears than to hear the name of their baby. *Deliver a meal. After a loss, parents are engaged in grief. A very thoughtful gesture is to prepare dinner and drop it off. Don't overstay your welcome as the family may not feel like socializing. Let them know you are thinking of them and allow space if desired. * During holidays and special events, include their baby by asking how they feel. Include their baby's name in Christmas cards and don't forget the baby's birthday! *Don't expect them to come to baby showers or children's parties if they are uncomfortable doing so. Don't exclude the parent, but offer your understanding if they do not feel they can attend. *Bring the child up in conversation. The parent of a lost baby is ALWAYS thinking of their baby. Bringing the child up is not going to "trigger" bad feelings. And it is ok if the parent cries. Crying is a critical component to grieving. THE ABSOLUTE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A CHILD IS BE THERE! DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO SUFFER IN SILENCE! |
Things to avoid saying or doing:
* "You can have another baby" or "At least you have other children." Though this may be true, no baby will ever replace the baby that has been lost. The lost baby is just as important as any other child in the parent's life. * "God needed another angel" or "The child is in a better place." A parent of an angel baby knows their child is in heaven, they do not need reassurance of that. In their mind, however, there is no better place for their baby than in their arms. * "At least you didn't get to know the baby." During pregnancy, a mother gets to know her baby very well. No matter the gestation or age at loss, there is a bond between mother and child from day one of pregnancy. The father and siblings also develop a bond and relationship with the growing baby. * Don't avoid talking about the baby because it makes you uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is living without your baby...remember the parents are suffering a far greater discomfort and need your support. It is very painful for a parent to mention their baby and receive no response. *A common statement from parents of a pregnancy or child loss is that they fear the world will forget their child existed. So remember them! |